Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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