Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
