Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
