Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
