you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
