In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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