I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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