Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
