apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
