JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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