Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
