forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Soap is not a condiment
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
