Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
