Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
