remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
