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Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize