Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
