Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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