i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
