So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
this will be a night to untag.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
