No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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