Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
