I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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