We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
