yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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