Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
