I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
