I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Naked. naked and bneed help.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize