he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
