i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
