I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
