I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
