Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
