Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
