I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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