dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize