I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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