His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
