You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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