God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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