Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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