***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
