I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
