Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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