You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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