It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
