Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
