I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When are your genitals available?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
