if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
