Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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