You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
