he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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