I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
