Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The struggles of a small town man whore
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize