The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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