he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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