Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
