"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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