my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
