Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We got so high we made milksteak
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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