I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
