so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i drank out of a bidet.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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