his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
