you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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