if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
