haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
