The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
