In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
