i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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