wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
