so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize